• Sparky:Awe-freaking-some!
  • Pangolin (referring to the terrible Terrapin and his Turtle Mech):Well we could lure him out by stealing his giant Turtle robot.

Sparky:That is...RE-GOD DAMN-DICOULUS!

  • Spider-Man (Making pun after knocking out Light): Well it looks like its light out for Light!

Sparky: Argh! No more puns! No more puns! I swear to God the next person to make a pun is going to get zapped into next week!

  • Sparky (Referring to Demona): She doesn't scare me...she completley and utterly terrifies me!
  • Demona: Why do you do that?

Sparky (taps door frame as he walks past): Do what?

Demona: That! You tap the frames on doors as you walk past them!

Sparky: Eh, maybe I'm obsessive-compulsive. (Taps door frame)

  • Sparky (Earth-2149): Zombies? Zombies?! Zombies! Argh zombies! Zombies! Zombies! Zombi-

Demona(Earth-2149. backhands him):Calm down.

Sparky(Earth-2149):Easy for you to say, you're not a necrophobe!

  • Sparky: That Aku guy creeps me out, I mean, it seems kind of odd letting him on our team when he did work for Mehphisto.

Demona: You just don't like him because he's a necromancer and you're necrophobic.

  • Sparky: I can speak Spanish, Indonesian, Haya, French, Italian, Portugese and English English.

Tech:English English?

Sparky: Yeah, English English. You know, stuff like bobbies, dustbin lid, hot cross bun, that sort of thing. And yet I've never mastered that strange and foreign language that is...pig latin.

Tech:Y-you're joking right?

  • Captain America(Reffering to Amoebo): You! Why doesn't he talk!

Sparky: He read a humour magazine and laughed so much that he permanantley contracted laryngitis!

Captain America: Why you little-!

  • Sparky: Hera I am, able to speak 6 different languages, read braile, speak in sign language and our "glorious leader" has me working the kitchen! Call that job satisfaction? Cause I don't.
  • Sparky (sarcastically): High-freaking-larious.
  • Sparky (Earth T, referring to Metroplex): D-d-did he just s-step on Godzilla? (Tech nods, Pangolin faints)
  • Sparky (Earth T, referring to Megatron): So, he changes into a gun?

Optimus Prime (Earth T): Well...yes.

Sparky (Earth T): That's stupid.

  • Tech (reffering to Winston Riker): Watch out! He's got a stilleto

Pangolin:No, he's wearing loafers.

Sparky: Oh it's a knife you idiot!

  • Sparky: What's this?

Bonzai Bill: A fun sized packet of candy.

Sparky: ...This is not fun at all.

  • Sparky (referring to Pangolin): You, my friend, are a moron!
  • Pangolin (Off panel): Oh God, no! Make it stop, make it stop!

Sparky: What's wrong with him?

Demona: He just ate seven and a half servings of bran.

Sparky: Ewww.

  • Pangolin: Well you know what they say "merrily, merrily, merrily merrily life is but a dream."

Sparky: No, life is a nightmare!

  • Sparky: Great horned owl man? Great horned owl man?! Great horned owl man!

Demona: Oh no, now they've done it.

Sparky: What the Hell kind of name is Great horned owl man?! Of all the names you could have chosen you choose great horned owl man?! What kind of an idiot are you?! You make Pangolin look smart! You make the Terrible Terrapin seem like Dr. Doom!

  • Man on TV: Oh, wow, I guess it wasn't really your fault for the great Chigaco fire after all...sorry Mrs. O'Leary.

Woman on TV: (Bleep Bleep)

Sparky: You tell them Mrs O'Leary.

  • Sparky: Whoo-hoo! It's Halloween!
  • Demona: So?

Sparky: So it's Halloween! Halloween parties, dressing up and best of all...LOLLIES!

Pangolin: Lollies?

Sparky: Yeah, lollies, you know, sweets, candy.

  • Sparky: Pangolin, what's that you have in your hand?

Pangolin: The Hope Diamond.

Sparky: Holy c**p! Put it down! Put it down!

  • Sparky: Hey Pangolin, did you hear that Captain America got his powers by eating a radioactive flag?

Pangolin: Really?

Sparky: No what are you stupid?

  • Sparky: This is even more depressing than when (Celebrity's name) died.
  • Batman (New Earth): Wait. The Joker is insane, you do not want to underestimate him.

Sparky (Earth 616): Oh please, you said he dresses up like a clown. How bad could he be?

  • Sparky: Zombies? Zombies?! Zombies! Argh zombies! Zombies! Zombies! Zombies! Zombi-

Demona (Backhands Sparky): Calm down.

Sparky: You know, I don't know why but this seems strangely familiar, as if we've done this before.

  • Moonshine: Wait, stop please! Mercy!

Sparky: Mercy?! Did you show any of your victim's mercy when you ripped their fluids from their bodies?! Did you show my best friend mercy when you murdered her?! You disgust me, get out of my sight.

  • Sparky: Jay, do you know what this is?

Jay: It's a pinata of me.

Sparky: Right. And do you know what this is?

Jay: Uh, an aluminum bat?

Sparky: Good, now watch. (beats pinata with bat) Now if you don't leave in 10 minutes, that is what's going to happen to you you hyper-active little FREAK!

  • Muscle: Huh, it's a box of tennis balls.

Sparky: Wait don't touch those!

Muscle: Why not? They're just tennis balls.

Sparky: Oh really? Stand back. (Zaps tennis balls, nothing spectacular happens) Okay they were just tennis balls. Uh you hear a lot about those uh, tennis ball bombs, so, uh yeah.

  • Sparky: Pangolin, your art skills are better than John Delaney's...but that's not saying much.
  • Sparky: Anyone who likes John Delaney's work is a suck-up, an idiot or both! God I hate that no-talent jerk!
  • Robber: Argh! My arm! I think its broken!

Sparky: Yeah well, next time don't pull a gun out in the Baxter building. I mean come on! The Baxter building! What the Hell were you thinking?!

Gloria Allred: Injured? I might be able to defend you if you say that this was a self-defense related issue.

Sparky: Oh crap its Gloria Allred!

  • Sparky: Dammit! Where the Hell is BB with the jet?!

'Muscle: Well at least we have some air support...

Demona (Off-panel): Ooof!

Tech (Off-panel): Argh!


Sparky: Don't. Say. A word.

  • Sparky (While doing Peter Lorre impersonation): What a loser!
  • : Hey, what's this? The Necronomicon, and it's covered in...Oh my God!

Necronomicon (Earth-2147): Please kill me.

  • Tech: Hmmm, seems to be some sort of immortal creature that doesn't age.

Sparky: ...Sigourney Weaver?

  • Sparky: Pangolin, what the Hell are you doing?

Pangolin: Uh, playing air guitar?

Sparky: Looks more like you're playing air banjo!

  • Demona: Alright Sparky, Muscle and I have a little bet. She thinks that you like rock music, I disagree, I think you like pop. So, which is it.

Spakry: Both.

Demona: Huh?

Sparky: Jeez Demi, people can like more than one genre of music.

Demona: Well then what don't you like?

Sparky: Rap, hip-hop and (shudder) country western.

  • Tech: Alright, we are dealing with a race of small, unintelligent furry beings.

Demona: Ewoks?

Sparky: Gobbos?

  • Jason DuBois (Earth-1610):...And you tell that little punk Latt that if he steals another one of my movies and makes a crappy "tie-in, I'm gonna sue him and his whole goddamn operation!

Sparky (Earth-1610): Guys, I want you to meet Jason DuBois, director of such movies as Bloodrage, The Stealth and the Legacy of Sawney Bean.

Jason DuBois: Hey James, how's it going?

Demona (Earth-1610): How do you know Jason DuBois?

Sparky: Oh, he was passing through my farm once and it just so happened that I wanted to be a director at the time. We hit it off and he invited me onto the set of Monsters in The Swamp.

Tech (Eath-1610): No way! Did you get to meet Coolio?

Sparky: Oh yeah, he's awesome, nice guy.

  • Muscle (Earth-1610): Hey, look over there! Is that Jessie Cave?

Sparky (Earth-1610): So it is. Hey! You, Jessie! Jennifer Smith is better than you!

Muscle: ...

Sparky: What? Don't look at me like that. It's true.

  • 'Tech: Well, here we are 1978. Glorious isn't it?

Sparky: Yeah, yeah great. Uh, you said that whatever we did wouldn't affect the future, right?

Tech: Yeah. WHy do you-?

Sparky: Terrific! Oh good, there's George Washington!'(Runs off-panel)

Pangolin: What in God's name is he-?

George Washington (Off-panel): Argh! The agony!

Sparky (Off-panel): That's for the Christmas massacre, ya jerk!

  • Pangolin: Gee, it sure is boring around here!

Dragonfly: Mah boi, this peace is what all true heroes strive for!

Sparky: Did you just say "Mah Boi"?

  • pangolin: Hey Demi, how about a kiss? For luck?

Sparky': Okay, enough with this FoE crap!

  • Muscle: Oh my God! Pangolin are you smoking pot?

Sparky: Actually, he's on salvia.

Muscle: Sparky! Why didnt you stop him?!

Sparky: Because unlike most drugs, salvia is actally pretty harmless. See it doesn't cause brain damage and scientfic studies show that it acts as an anti-depressant.

Muscle: Are you encouraging this?!

Sparky: Like I said, its harmless, and anyway the government supports it because it gets people of all those other drugs that can actually kill you.

Muscle: Oh my God. Please tell me you didn't go around telling people to use this stupid drug?


  • Dragonfly: This time you've done it Sparky. This time, you've gon too far.

Demona: You're going down and you're dragging us with you!

Bonzai Bill: What in God's name possessed you to strangle John Landis?!

Sparky: I figured he had it coming.

Bonzai Bill: For what?!

Sparky: That travesty of a movie that besmirched the good names of John Belushi, John Candy and Cab Calloway!

Demona: Wow, that's a lot of Johns.

Sparky: Not to mention poor Dan Akroyd.

Dragonfly: What about John Goodman?

Demona: Another John.

Sparky: Oh please, who cares?

  • Sparky: Hey, it's Nick Bakay!

Muscle: Who's Nick Bakay?

Sparky: Oh he's a cooler version of Frank Welker.

  • Sparky: Dammit, these people are turning me into a pariah. And for what? Nothing!

Demona: You blew up a Dore clinic.

Sparky: So? They should be thanking me. Those jerks, they're so condescending. So freaking condescending.

Muscle: Sparky, where you put into a Dore clinic as a child?

Sparky: Yes, but I didn't even have dyslexia dammit! It was aspergers, aspergers!

Tech: Well so do I, but I don't go around acting like a lunatic.

Sparky: I'm sorry, was your best friend killed by a family friend? Where you beaten daily by a bunch of idiots? Where you subjected to a clinic of condescending jerks who treated you as if you were less than Human?!

  • Tech (Earth-1610): Oh man, this is cooler than...than...

Sparky (Earth-1610): Than Parkinson's death at the hands of restless souls, trapped in their own unhappiness?

Tech: Exactl-What? Who the hell is Parkinson?!

  • Tech: Yeah, that's just as likley to happen as Australia getting a secret service!

Sparky: Hey! Australia has a secret service!

Pangolin: Australian Secret Service. Wouldn'that spell-?

Sparky: NO! It's ASIS! The Australian Secret Intelligence Service.

Pangolin: As is?

Sparky: I swear to God, if you make a joke about it I will kill you.

  • Muscle: Hey Sparky, what happened to Tech?

Sparky: He's in the hospital, he took a nasty shock. The doctors say he'll be lucky to escape without brain damage.

Muscle: Oh my God, what happened to him?

Sparky: Pangolin dared him to read My Immortal. Didn't go so well, he started convusling on the second page. Oh and his eyes started bleeding. It's just lucky that me and Gauntlet where in there with him, he started going for his cyanide pill.

  • Tech: Alright, the latest popularity polls are in. First up, the female poll for their favourite guy.

Demona: This is blatanly sexist.

Tech: As you keep reminding us. Now, first up is Sparky, for the fourth time in a row.

Bonzai Bill: Oh yes, naturally the Australian pretty boy comes first. Again.

Tech: Alright BB, just cool it, ok? Next up is...Vlad.

Vlad the Impaler: Huh?

Pangolin: Girls dig the mysterios guys.

Vlad the Impaler: Oh...

Tech: Third is me, of course, I'm always in the top three. Fourth is Gauntlet, nice to see you starting with a high rank.

Gauntlet: Oh yeah! All the ladies love me!

Tech: Next is Ace, huh, suprised you didn't get higher.

Ace: It's cool.

Tech: Right, next up is...Pangolin!

Pangolin: Oh yeah! I rock, super awesome!

Sparky: You came sixth moron!

Tech: Seventh is Dragonfly, eigth is BB and ninth and dead last is Amoebo, sorry.

Bonzai Bill: What?! Second last?! How can I be second last?!

Tech: Yeah, just calm down BB, its just an internet poll designed for the fans.

Sparky: Explain to me again why we have this loser on our team?

Bonzai Bill: Oh you wanna go blondie?!

Sparky: Grow up you hotheaded, never thought I'd be the one to say those words.

  • Sparky: Well, I have everything I need, time to kill Matt Groening!

Muscle: What?! Why?

Sparky: His blatant hatred towards Australians, the new HD opening, his hiring of Mike Scully and John Delaney, shoving parody after freaking parody down the audience's throats until they choke, that they don't have the guts anymore to openly target Steve Jobs, instead making crappy parodies of him, the fact that his show has now turned from a funny sitcom into a painful to watch cartoon, the God-awful plot lines that make no sense, a lack of regard for continuity, radically altering the characters, making a Halloween segment that spoofs a thriller rather than a horror movie and the last two Futurama movies. He's the new George Lucas in other words.

  • Dragonfly: Alright, as I'msure you all know, Bill has recently had...a breakdown, so now I shall choose his replacement as Second-in-Command...

Sparky (to Tech): Here it comes, my time to shine!

Demona (to Muscle): About time I got promoted.

"Dragonfly': The new Second-in-Command is...Vlad!

Sparky/Demona: WHAT?!

Demona: What the hell Sergei?!

Sparky: I was promised that position!

Demona: What?! He said he'd give it to me!

Sparky: Wha-? That son of a-! Hey, where'd he go?

Demona: He snuck off!

Vlad: your new Second-in-Command, I assure you that I'll do my very best death glares from Sparky and Demona) I'll just sit down now...

Movie Quotes

  • Demona (Earth-2000714): Celebrities? Ugh, they're so stuck up, they think they're above the law.

Tech (Earth-2000714): Oh come on Demi, you don't even like one celebrity?

Demona: No.

Tech: Oh come on, Muscle's a fan of Mae Whitman.

Muscle (Earth-2000714): Heh, yeah.

tech: And Sparky has an obsession with Ellen Page.

Sparky (Earth-2000714): Hey! I do not!

Tech: Then why do you keep an autographed picture of her under you're pillow?

Sparky: What the-?! Did you re-install those cameras in our rooms?! I'm gonna kill you!

  • Sparky (Earth-2000714): Sigh. You know Pangolin, I'm beginning to hate you more than David Prowse must hate George Lucas, Sebastian Shaw and that little creep Hayden Christenson.
  • Bonzai Bill (Earth-2000714 while surrounded by Dino-Gang): Uh, what's happening?

Sparky (Earth-2000714): Well we've been looking for the enemy for somer time now. We've finally found them. We're surrounded. That simplifies things.

Tech (Earth-2000714): You just quoted Chesty Puller!

Sparky (Earth-2000714): Yes I know, I'm a big fan of his laconic wit.

  • Sparky: Freaking Matt Groening made Australia bashing popular!

Demona (Earth2000714): Uh huh.

Sparky (Earth-2000714): He should be more like Mark Steve Johnson, now there's a great guy. Only has nice things to say about Australia.

Demona (Earth-2000714): Are you gonna shut up now so we can get back to darts?

Sparky (Earth-2000714): Yeesh, you know I'm only trying to inspire a hatred of Matt Groening!

  • Dragonfly (Earth-2000714): Sparky you hotheaded moron! You could have caused an international incident! Why did you beat up Lee Kuan Yew

Sparky (Earth-2000714): Hey, he had it coming! How dare he describe Australia that way!

  • Sparky (Earth-2000714): We're getting beaten by a bunch of freakin' bikers!
  • Muscle (Earth-2000714): Sparky, what-?

Sparky (Earth-2000714, running from Winston Ryker's security drones): Stop talking, start running!

  • Sparky (earth-2000714): And here we have Tech's workshop. And look, here he is already, even though we only saw him two minutes ago in the lobby. Nice to know that he's completley forgotten about us already isn't it?

Gauntlet (2000714): Hey bud, what's up? (pats Tech on the back)

Tech (Earth-2000714)(Quickly positions katanna against Gauntlet's throat): Next time, that'll be you eye.

Sparky: Oh yeah, probably shoulda told you. He has this thing about being touched. You gotta tell him before you do it.

  • Sparky'(Earth-2000714):...And this is the place I probably should have taken you first on the tour.

Vlad the Impaler (Earth-2000714): Why?

Sparky: Because this is the DNA registration zone. You see, this machine scans your fingerprints, vocal patterns and retinas and permanently stores them in its memorybanks. Without this machine, all of the booby traps in here would mistake you for intruders and kill you. Horribly.

Gauntlet (Earth-2000714): Booby traps?!

Sparky: Yeah, booby traps. Tech originally thought that the security systems around the doors and entrances would be enough, but the rest of us convinced him to add more security measures. He kinda went overboard though.

Vlad the Impaler: Ok, where are these traps then?

Sparky: The microwave, the stove, the carpet, that eye of the storm thing he has. Uh, the speaker systems and...oh yeah, the fruit.

Muscle (Earth-2000714): The fruit?

Sparky: Yeah, he's attached them to defribilators, so that if you touch them, they explode.

Muscle: Any reason why you didn't tell us this before?

Sparky: Me and Demi had a bet about how long you would last before I told you about the traps. Luckily, for you and me, I won and she owes me $40.

  • Tech (Earth-2000714): Demi, are you sure that there isn't a single celebrity that you like?

Demona (Earth-2000714):...Rick Astley, I like Rick Astley.

Sparky: Yes, we know. God knows you've rickrolled us enough times to figure that one out.

  • Pangolin (Earth-2000714: Johnny Cash was sooo awesome! Seriously, his music, it was like, the best and he-!'

Sparky (Earth-2000714): Argh! Will you shut up about Johnny-Freaking-Cash?! He burned down a Goddamn forest! He nearly wiped out a species of condor! How do you like that huh?! Your Goddamn idol nearly destroyed a species! How do you like that? Huh?! Huh?!

Author's Notes: I have nothing against Johnny Cash. However, certain individuals feel the need to remind me about how great he is every five seconds. It gets really old, really fast.

  • Tech (Earth-2000714): Cheer up Pangolin, at least your little crush on Thandie Newton isn't anywhere near as pathetic as Sparky's obsession with Lana Wood.

Sparky (Earth-2000714): Yeah thats-Wait what?

Tech: You heard me.

Sparky: Just because I think she should have been Tiffany Case instead of Pam what's-her-face doesn't mean I have an obsession.

Tech: During a Bond convention you pushed Sean Connery out of the way so that she could sign your poster.

Sparky: So? Connery wasn't that great anyway.

Tech: And you kept saying "Get the Hell out of my way, I need to have this poster signed by the true star of the film."

Sparky: I loathe you right now.

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